cyberbully; it doesnt feel real, but the consequences are just as devastating

Assalamualaikum...

We never realized how bad we can hurt people with just words.

Like Samantha (one of the character in Cyberbully) said, "It doesn't feel real". Exactly, even on the real world itself, words doesn't represent the hurts in physical ways.

I always thought that words should be really carefully pick to speak, or even to tell the story. English itself has few unique words to explain an action but with different details (e.g laugh, giggle).

I wonder if it will be a safe environment for my child to grow, with all the technologies. It's complicated, but worse it can get out of control without you knowing it.

Please watch the movie, Cyberbully. It gives you hunch of how ugly it can turns into. so bad that even the laws are written for it. 

And no kidding, Words are as sharp as blade.

my aunt told me once, she still haven't figure out why people love wrestling.

Assalamualaikum...

OK here it goes, do you like wrestling? Or do you hate it because of the violence? Or is it because it's an act? As for me, hmm...

Well, it is scripted, but the acts are real. Do you watch Secret Garden? Remember the heroin has a job as stunt woman? If you watch this you'll know these people deal with real pain, and not just faking it. If you watch wrestling closely, you can spot them actually getting prepare to take the hit just before the opponent attack them face to face.

I personally respect them to choose this field as career. I mean who would actually hurt themselves or put their life in jeopardy for the sake of entertainment? And to think how they handle all the paint and still stand still in the middle of the ring is incredible. How passionate they are to go through such painful practice so everything is going... Well, not to say good but at least not worse.

Do I like wrestling? Nope, not really. But I don't dislike it too. My parents has been watching it since I was a kid so it pretty much becomes a habit. I have no complain if you hate it for what ever reasons you may have, but don't make it such a big deal. Men love it, to be true, we do love violence once in a while don't we?

If you hate it so much than think about the wrestlers who've been dealing with the pain for so long but never choose to give up and give in. Instead, they stand with the strength they have left, and give everybody something to cheer on. Now, if that a story of a survivor, it'll be an amazing story.

Hey, at least cheer for their passion and dedication. If you may, take it as one effort of honest living. They do deserve it.

want real drama? dont. it doesnt really gives you good feeling. however you do get stronger and wiser on each drama you seen or experienced in your life.

Assalamualaikum...

how should i say this? hmmm...

well its a drama, reality drama. oh i think i'm going to be sick with these dramas around me. and how will i judge this? well, my mom and i definitely not on the same page.

of course, we judge things based on the experiences we had. so my point of view is based on my story, while my mom based on hers. dad on the other hand tried to get mom out of her thought.

i totally understand both of them. you see, i've seen and experienced something i would call a nightmare to a child. and it wasnt just about being scared, its more than that and it becomes a mark that stays. but hey, i think i can live with that. i have my own fault, so its not fair to just put the blame on others. so yes, it helps me to understand why mom and dad acted the way they were.

i guess it really depends on how you would take the situation. if bad is all you can think, than it wont be better. even if it is bad, then we should work it to be good. what happen today? just another drama to add up to the collection. well, its not so bad anyway.

at first i thought its a reminder. but when i know more about it, i think its not that kind of reminder i thought it would be. remembering each of the moment really makes me sad, and regardless of what i say right now or in the future its rather sad and scare than angry. ironic eh?

i say if you are honest in what you are doing, time will prove everything. it'll be better. it always, insyaAllah. :)

p/s: oh yes, i am scare. afraid. terrified.

i'm certain and i know what i want. maybe its not working out, so im not going to force it. God knows the best. like my dear friend said, lets fate works its magic.

Assalamualaikum...

what is worse than this? i guess what far worse than now in the future. ask me, i've seen enough.

just enough to really put a stop on the best thing i ever have, i'll do it now, i'll do it in the future. a perspective i've been developed since i was a kid. and yes, good things dont come easily, it need sacrifices.

i fall hard, and i realize i could never forget it. i've seen the bad side of it, so i wont take a risk of having the same thing happens again. at least not in my power. i'm not asking to start over, forget what happened, i'm just searching for some answers. i told you once, i'll tell you again. i wont ask you to start, a million times even if i'm dying. its not my right.

God's plan is the best. no kidding. and it's just as beautiful as the sweet memories are. i'll always believe that. i'm hanging on hard to it. i know there's always something for me in the end, and i'll be stronger to face the world.

and you mister, say what ever you want. but i'm sorry, my heart is not yours to decide.

it's dark, cant figure what to do. should i just sit and wait or take the first step? waiting outside the line, holding. i wont give up, for all it may has for me.

Assalamualaikum...

life is hard. it meant to be hard. no matter how easy one's may look, he or she just a great liar, cover it all up and just smile.

no easy explanation, but if it's God test, it meant to make us stronger. i wish the best for all i met. and may the good old sweet memories be our greatest treasure of all. yeah i met people, got separated. come to think about it, i just realized. perhaps it happened because i wanted it to. so i could meet someone else. how life works me out. and yeah, i waited it long. somehow, it slipped. how could i ever do that huh?

sometimes you let go of something so it will grow even bigger and higher.

listen to those beautiful songs, brings back all the memories. the good and bad.

hell yeah, i cry.

p/s: holding. waiting.

what doesnt kill you make you stronger. i feel weaker instead.

Assalamualaikum...

it takes months for me to forget what i use to have.

honestly, it still lingers. but no matter how much it comes to my mind, i never wish it'll be mine again. never.

and yes, to start over is hard. maybe the way i accept it seems easy, but the rest is unspoken. i guess i become weaker, i tend to blow things on others, sometimes the way i behave is annoying. i hate that. its hard to rebuild once its destroyed. i broke my wall once, and yes, its become harder.

i realize i'm scared of being alone more than i was before. and every time i feel lonely, i'll go crazy.

and to distract myself too .

you have been a distraction for me once, and now i'm distracting myself from you. what am i supposed to do?

...
(melalut juga mungkin)

p/s: hand to hold; love it, miss it. i hope the feelings stay. if only its close. 

i never told you what i should have said, i never told you i just held it in

Assalamualaikum...

marah dan kecewa jadi mainan. suka atau tidak bukan pilihan.

terikat dengan yang lepas. bukan tak nak lepas. mungkin dah jadi igauan. yang ada pun susah nak percaya. susah betul kalau perasaan lebih daripada orang lain.

tak nak lepas. betul. sayang mungkin bertambah. curiga juga. nak percaya tapi yang dapat tak membantu. makin keliru dan mungkin akan meletup kedua-duanya nanti.

nak cerita pun susah. kat siapa? alih-alih diri sendiri jugak.

mampu tak aku bertahan?

-insyaAllah-

p/s: please let me know

pak gad yang kata aku ni macam mak cik gangster lah yang ganti tempat dia. alhamdullilah, terima kasih.

Assalamualaikum...

semalam bermula. angkat pen dan mula menggoreng. hari ni kali kedua. hanya mampu buat yang termampu. kalau boleh buat semua bukan manusia, tapi tuhan namanya.

selalunya kalau dah bermula memang akan bagi tahu dia. tapi maaf, kali ni aku tak mampu. meski pun aku perlukan redha dan doa suci dari nya. maaf.

maaf juga kerana yang bermain di otak adalah aura-aura hitam. perasaan negatif mungkin terbangkit dan aku makin keliru. tak tahu apa yang aku rasa. mungkin aku menafikan yang di depan mata.

tapi alhamdulillah, semalam hati aku tenang. hari ni mungkin sedikit celaru. tak apa, masih ada masa dan teman yang untuk ceraikan yang berserabut tu.

tak sangka, orang yang aku menyumpah satu masa dulu adalah orang yang menenangkan hati kecil. jadi tempat aku berceloteh walau untuk seketika. terima kasih pakcik! harus pakcik tahu, pakcik berjasa besar. hehe

duhai otak, berhenti berfikir dan terima seadanya. lepaskan yang dulu, mula yang baru.

p/s: takut kalau itu berulang.

S . A . Y . A

Assalamualaikum...

selamat hari raya semua. harap belum terlewat. maaf zahir batin. kalau kalau ada terkasar bahasa.

maaf sebab raya kali ni agak suram untuk aku. waktu tidur memang dah lari. meski pun rumah bising riuh rendah dengan gelak tawa anak anak buah, kadang terasing.

makin lama aku fikir, makin jauh jadinya. bila tersedar diri sendiri jadi mangsa. sedar kenapa aku adalah aku hari ni. sebab musabab yang membentuk aku hari ni.

lebih kenal diri. meski pun bukan yang baik. mengingatkan aku kenapa aku tak nak peka dengan diri sendiri. kenapa dan mengapa aku berdiri di tempat aku sekarang. rasa susah pulak jadi diri sendiri.

hari ni mengeluh. esok mencari kekuatan dan lusa cuba lagi berdiri.

letih, tapi ak lebih kenal diri sendiri. barangkali hikmahnya bakal dicium esok. insyaAllah.

p/s: memahami yang tersirat, mengingati yang silam, mengenal yang di depan mata. maaf, saya perlu berehat.

sorry

Assalamualaikum...

yes, I arrived at my brother's campus earlier than my own, and I don't regret it. never.

yes, I put my education behind, perhaps because I don't like studying. or perhaps because I want to have so called holiday with my family. you can choose one, I won't mind.

yes, I skipped few classes and got myself into trouble.

yes, I was told I was wrong.

and yes, I admit I was.

but I don't regret it. I'm not sorry for myself. not for being told I was wrong or because my lecturer told me I shouldn't skip the class because it is my job to make sure I was there.

I'm sorry for myself because I was told what I chose to do was wrong. that helping my family was wrong. yes I did enjoy the trip. but it wasn't just about the trip.

I'm sorry because I can't really tell which one is the right thing to do. I'm sorry that I was confused with who I needed to be with. when I was there I often felt I'm not supposed to be there.

I'm sorry because I don't feel like I was doing the right thing and all the blame come back to me. I'm sorry because there are no right things for me to do.

I'm sorry, dear me.