cyberbully; it doesnt feel real, but the consequences are just as devastating

Assalamualaikum...

We never realized how bad we can hurt people with just words.

Like Samantha (one of the character in Cyberbully) said, "It doesn't feel real". Exactly, even on the real world itself, words doesn't represent the hurts in physical ways.

I always thought that words should be really carefully pick to speak, or even to tell the story. English itself has few unique words to explain an action but with different details (e.g laugh, giggle).

I wonder if it will be a safe environment for my child to grow, with all the technologies. It's complicated, but worse it can get out of control without you knowing it.

Please watch the movie, Cyberbully. It gives you hunch of how ugly it can turns into. so bad that even the laws are written for it. 

And no kidding, Words are as sharp as blade.

my aunt told me once, she still haven't figure out why people love wrestling.

Assalamualaikum...

OK here it goes, do you like wrestling? Or do you hate it because of the violence? Or is it because it's an act? As for me, hmm...

Well, it is scripted, but the acts are real. Do you watch Secret Garden? Remember the heroin has a job as stunt woman? If you watch this you'll know these people deal with real pain, and not just faking it. If you watch wrestling closely, you can spot them actually getting prepare to take the hit just before the opponent attack them face to face.

I personally respect them to choose this field as career. I mean who would actually hurt themselves or put their life in jeopardy for the sake of entertainment? And to think how they handle all the paint and still stand still in the middle of the ring is incredible. How passionate they are to go through such painful practice so everything is going... Well, not to say good but at least not worse.

Do I like wrestling? Nope, not really. But I don't dislike it too. My parents has been watching it since I was a kid so it pretty much becomes a habit. I have no complain if you hate it for what ever reasons you may have, but don't make it such a big deal. Men love it, to be true, we do love violence once in a while don't we?

If you hate it so much than think about the wrestlers who've been dealing with the pain for so long but never choose to give up and give in. Instead, they stand with the strength they have left, and give everybody something to cheer on. Now, if that a story of a survivor, it'll be an amazing story.

Hey, at least cheer for their passion and dedication. If you may, take it as one effort of honest living. They do deserve it.

want real drama? dont. it doesnt really gives you good feeling. however you do get stronger and wiser on each drama you seen or experienced in your life.

Assalamualaikum...

how should i say this? hmmm...

well its a drama, reality drama. oh i think i'm going to be sick with these dramas around me. and how will i judge this? well, my mom and i definitely not on the same page.

of course, we judge things based on the experiences we had. so my point of view is based on my story, while my mom based on hers. dad on the other hand tried to get mom out of her thought.

i totally understand both of them. you see, i've seen and experienced something i would call a nightmare to a child. and it wasnt just about being scared, its more than that and it becomes a mark that stays. but hey, i think i can live with that. i have my own fault, so its not fair to just put the blame on others. so yes, it helps me to understand why mom and dad acted the way they were.

i guess it really depends on how you would take the situation. if bad is all you can think, than it wont be better. even if it is bad, then we should work it to be good. what happen today? just another drama to add up to the collection. well, its not so bad anyway.

at first i thought its a reminder. but when i know more about it, i think its not that kind of reminder i thought it would be. remembering each of the moment really makes me sad, and regardless of what i say right now or in the future its rather sad and scare than angry. ironic eh?

i say if you are honest in what you are doing, time will prove everything. it'll be better. it always, insyaAllah. :)

p/s: oh yes, i am scare. afraid. terrified.

i'm certain and i know what i want. maybe its not working out, so im not going to force it. God knows the best. like my dear friend said, lets fate works its magic.

Assalamualaikum...

what is worse than this? i guess what far worse than now in the future. ask me, i've seen enough.

just enough to really put a stop on the best thing i ever have, i'll do it now, i'll do it in the future. a perspective i've been developed since i was a kid. and yes, good things dont come easily, it need sacrifices.

i fall hard, and i realize i could never forget it. i've seen the bad side of it, so i wont take a risk of having the same thing happens again. at least not in my power. i'm not asking to start over, forget what happened, i'm just searching for some answers. i told you once, i'll tell you again. i wont ask you to start, a million times even if i'm dying. its not my right.

God's plan is the best. no kidding. and it's just as beautiful as the sweet memories are. i'll always believe that. i'm hanging on hard to it. i know there's always something for me in the end, and i'll be stronger to face the world.

and you mister, say what ever you want. but i'm sorry, my heart is not yours to decide.

it's dark, cant figure what to do. should i just sit and wait or take the first step? waiting outside the line, holding. i wont give up, for all it may has for me.

Assalamualaikum...

life is hard. it meant to be hard. no matter how easy one's may look, he or she just a great liar, cover it all up and just smile.

no easy explanation, but if it's God test, it meant to make us stronger. i wish the best for all i met. and may the good old sweet memories be our greatest treasure of all. yeah i met people, got separated. come to think about it, i just realized. perhaps it happened because i wanted it to. so i could meet someone else. how life works me out. and yeah, i waited it long. somehow, it slipped. how could i ever do that huh?

sometimes you let go of something so it will grow even bigger and higher.

listen to those beautiful songs, brings back all the memories. the good and bad.

hell yeah, i cry.

p/s: holding. waiting.

what doesnt kill you make you stronger. i feel weaker instead.

Assalamualaikum...

it takes months for me to forget what i use to have.

honestly, it still lingers. but no matter how much it comes to my mind, i never wish it'll be mine again. never.

and yes, to start over is hard. maybe the way i accept it seems easy, but the rest is unspoken. i guess i become weaker, i tend to blow things on others, sometimes the way i behave is annoying. i hate that. its hard to rebuild once its destroyed. i broke my wall once, and yes, its become harder.

i realize i'm scared of being alone more than i was before. and every time i feel lonely, i'll go crazy.

and to distract myself too .

you have been a distraction for me once, and now i'm distracting myself from you. what am i supposed to do?

...
(melalut juga mungkin)

p/s: hand to hold; love it, miss it. i hope the feelings stay. if only its close. 

i never told you what i should have said, i never told you i just held it in

Assalamualaikum...

marah dan kecewa jadi mainan. suka atau tidak bukan pilihan.

terikat dengan yang lepas. bukan tak nak lepas. mungkin dah jadi igauan. yang ada pun susah nak percaya. susah betul kalau perasaan lebih daripada orang lain.

tak nak lepas. betul. sayang mungkin bertambah. curiga juga. nak percaya tapi yang dapat tak membantu. makin keliru dan mungkin akan meletup kedua-duanya nanti.

nak cerita pun susah. kat siapa? alih-alih diri sendiri jugak.

mampu tak aku bertahan?

-insyaAllah-

p/s: please let me know

pak gad yang kata aku ni macam mak cik gangster lah yang ganti tempat dia. alhamdullilah, terima kasih.

Assalamualaikum...

semalam bermula. angkat pen dan mula menggoreng. hari ni kali kedua. hanya mampu buat yang termampu. kalau boleh buat semua bukan manusia, tapi tuhan namanya.

selalunya kalau dah bermula memang akan bagi tahu dia. tapi maaf, kali ni aku tak mampu. meski pun aku perlukan redha dan doa suci dari nya. maaf.

maaf juga kerana yang bermain di otak adalah aura-aura hitam. perasaan negatif mungkin terbangkit dan aku makin keliru. tak tahu apa yang aku rasa. mungkin aku menafikan yang di depan mata.

tapi alhamdulillah, semalam hati aku tenang. hari ni mungkin sedikit celaru. tak apa, masih ada masa dan teman yang untuk ceraikan yang berserabut tu.

tak sangka, orang yang aku menyumpah satu masa dulu adalah orang yang menenangkan hati kecil. jadi tempat aku berceloteh walau untuk seketika. terima kasih pakcik! harus pakcik tahu, pakcik berjasa besar. hehe

duhai otak, berhenti berfikir dan terima seadanya. lepaskan yang dulu, mula yang baru.

p/s: takut kalau itu berulang.

S . A . Y . A

Assalamualaikum...

selamat hari raya semua. harap belum terlewat. maaf zahir batin. kalau kalau ada terkasar bahasa.

maaf sebab raya kali ni agak suram untuk aku. waktu tidur memang dah lari. meski pun rumah bising riuh rendah dengan gelak tawa anak anak buah, kadang terasing.

makin lama aku fikir, makin jauh jadinya. bila tersedar diri sendiri jadi mangsa. sedar kenapa aku adalah aku hari ni. sebab musabab yang membentuk aku hari ni.

lebih kenal diri. meski pun bukan yang baik. mengingatkan aku kenapa aku tak nak peka dengan diri sendiri. kenapa dan mengapa aku berdiri di tempat aku sekarang. rasa susah pulak jadi diri sendiri.

hari ni mengeluh. esok mencari kekuatan dan lusa cuba lagi berdiri.

letih, tapi ak lebih kenal diri sendiri. barangkali hikmahnya bakal dicium esok. insyaAllah.

p/s: memahami yang tersirat, mengingati yang silam, mengenal yang di depan mata. maaf, saya perlu berehat.

sorry

Assalamualaikum...

yes, I arrived at my brother's campus earlier than my own, and I don't regret it. never.

yes, I put my education behind, perhaps because I don't like studying. or perhaps because I want to have so called holiday with my family. you can choose one, I won't mind.

yes, I skipped few classes and got myself into trouble.

yes, I was told I was wrong.

and yes, I admit I was.

but I don't regret it. I'm not sorry for myself. not for being told I was wrong or because my lecturer told me I shouldn't skip the class because it is my job to make sure I was there.

I'm sorry for myself because I was told what I chose to do was wrong. that helping my family was wrong. yes I did enjoy the trip. but it wasn't just about the trip.

I'm sorry because I can't really tell which one is the right thing to do. I'm sorry that I was confused with who I needed to be with. when I was there I often felt I'm not supposed to be there.

I'm sorry because I don't feel like I was doing the right thing and all the blame come back to me. I'm sorry because there are no right things for me to do.

I'm sorry, dear me.

EON-NA; kamera lomo pertama aku, bole bawak masuk dalam air! seronok main snap entah paper, tapi banyak jugak rosak sebab gelap. mentah lagi!

Assalamualaikum...

got my new lomo cam few days ago. bila entah, aku pon dah tak ingat dah. dah beli filem siap2, so boleh terus snap! weeeeeee~~~

dah cuci filem semua tu, usha la sekeping2 gambar2 yang aku snap. hmmm...ada yang cantik! ada yang REJECT! hampeh, gambar gelap sebab tak cukup cahaya. terlupa yang filem tu untuk outdoor yang mane sufficient light are available. haha, my mistakes!

anyway, kat bawah ni ada la sikit2 gambar yang aku rasa ok. nak tengok lagi sila usha FB. thanks!

p/s: c&c are most welcome :)

kalau dia senang, tak semestinya aku susah. dan kalau aku susah, tak semestinya dia yang senang.

Assalamualaikum...

waktu mula-mula berkemas nak masuk UTP dulu rasanya buat dalam keadaan tergesa-gesa. dapat tahu layak masuk agak lewat dan keputusan nak masuk memang tak perlu dijangka sebab memang dah target nak masuk UTP.

sekarang cuti semestar aku balik rumah, mak yang pening nak fikir bawa itu ini untuk si bongsu. seingat aku waktu aku nak masuk UTP dulu takde lah sampai macam tu. persiap yang mudah saja.

hmmmm... yerlah, betul ada sedikit cemburu. barangkali kerana rasa kurang perhatian. waktu keputusan diumumkan pun dia dapat lebih. haih, parah juga ni.

membesar dengan kepala otak fikir kene selesaikan semua dengan usaha sendiri, jangan susahkan orang lain. mungkin  di situ hilang rasa kebergantungan dengan mak. lepas tu kalau mak tanya dah siap ke belum, ok ke tidak, jawapan semua OK!

dah tua-tua macam ni baru rasa cemburu. agaknya apa jadi kalau umur cecah angka 50? haha

p/s: memang dah slalu kene pon. kalu ngan member abaikan aje, tp kalau macam ni simpan aje lah nmpknyer. hmmmm

if you like nature, you dont have to go far. we often see but not look. stop seeing and start looking. you'll be amaze of what you have just near by

Assalamualaikum...

sejak dulu aku memang sukakan alam semula jadi. hijau itu mendamaikan. tenang riak air itu membawa seribu erti ketenangan. meski pun bising kicau burung dan deruan air, riuh rendah itu membangkitkan satu perasaan nyaman dan tenang.

dan sesungguhnya kalau kat utp ni kita sebenarnya dekat dengan alam semula jadi. ada tasik mahupun tasik buatan, penuh dengan hidupan lain. satu hari aku jalan jalan kat tasik sambil bawa si Bujang, bersedia untuk menembak!

ini hasilnya. semoga keindahan yang aku rasa, korang dapat rasa :)

terima kasih!

p/s: bismillahirahmanirahim, mari mula stadi :p

bersyukur kerana masih bernafas. bersyukur diberi peluang merasa pedihnya hidup dan bahagianya senyuman. syukran ya Rab!

Assalamualaikum...

"seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

its ok not to be ok

sometimes it hard to follow your heart

but tears dont mean you're losing, everybody's bruising

just be true with who you are"

who you are

-Jessie J-

I never thought I would be very happy being celebrated for it. the first time I felt the ease from all. and yes, one of the best thing I had. thanks for wishing me, I'll be wishing you the same. :)

with things happening around me, things change. even myself. no doubt. one thing for sure, I dont think love as it was before. trust me, I dont even think that I'm actually will be in that position.

I'd like to live for my family, work hard for my dreams, laugh like a child, cry like a baby and fly like an eagle. I'll go with the flow as long as it's in my path. I'll accept the good and bad, cherish the joy along the way.

after all, I cant be greed and ask for more, can I?

 

p/s: dont go over there, i'll lose a friend.

jangan datang lagi. ingat saja sudah cukup pedih. pergi jauh dan jangan pernah datang lagi.

Assalamualaikum...

pukul 1.30 pagi, bukak cerita pasal intern lagi. memang bukan cerita favorite tapi nak buat macam mana, dah jadi satu coretan yang tak boleh padam.

lepas habis intern, tak ada semangat nak buat kerja. kerja TTS pun, secara jujur. apa-apa kerja lah! hanya ada semangat untuk melepak bersama rakan2 tercinta. dan aku benci kalau rase ditinggalkan. malang sungguh semesta ni kalau aku yang ajak mesti kene reject. sedih betul. macam putus cinta pulak.

and yes, i'm losing the sense of enjoying things i'm doing. sedih untuk diri sendiri, sebab yang aku fikir adalah perfection, perfection dan perfection. last skali rasa sedih sebab tak perfect. haih, miss my oldself.

i've said once, intern has drained all good things in me. takde lah semua, but those value who makes me enjoyable dah hilang. aku cuma boleh enjoy bila melepak, bila buat sesuatu dengan tujuan nak main-main. but never in work. kalau masuk bab kerja, serious, serious and SERIOUS!

past is the past. i got it. tapi macam paku yang dah dipakukan atas kayu, kesan paku tu takkan hilang bila kita cabut paku tu. and trust me, i'm trying hard not to remember back those hard times. 

it hit me hard, really hard bila ayie tanya "enjoy tak?" waktu mahkamah lorong dulu. rasa tersentap sebab aku lupa value tu. there's no satisfaction if you dont enjoy what you are doing. and it's a big lost for me.

rasa kosong walaupun dah cuba push diri sendiri untuk buat yang terbaik. i'm holding back. kosong. betul-betul kosong!   

i hate myself for that. i really miss my old mischievousness sloppy girl i was once. i miss her.

and yes, i blame you for it.

"and dont you know im not your ghost anymore

you lost the love i loved the most

i learn to live half a life and now you want me want more time

dont come back for me, dont come back at all"

Jar of Hearts

-Christina Perri-

p/s: aku tahu sapa aku, so i wont be hoping, at least you wont know

tembak di luar jendela

 Assalamualaikum...

sekian terima kasih!

just how many time i've been in that situation. frustrating. but this time, i'll let it go first. thank you for the good times. wish you were here. -brownie-

Assalamualaikum...

26 mac 2009, aku turun KL tengok LAT The Muzikal. and yes i'm enjoying myself. snap2 gambar. tapi tak banyak sangat pun. ada lah sikit2

and last but not least, aku dapat teguran dari seseorang. lama aku tunggu. katanya sori, it's all just a big misunderstanding. yer la, bila aku memang selalu jadi mangsa salah faham.

if only you understand apa yang dah jadi, apa yang aku rasa, dan siapa aku, you would not be able to see what kind of marks you've left me with. it wasn't anything to you i guess, but i have to live with it for the rest of my life. feeling stupid just by looking at you.

sampai bilik tengok2 dah longlai. baring tak bergerak. this is must be the feeling my sister once felt. but i can promise it was worse than this. aku mintak maaf, tak sempat nak buat apa2 tidur je terus. pagi pun bangun lewat. maybe to keep it close to me just a little bit longer.

dan ada orang ajak keluar than cancel even went out before telling me it's cancel. nasib baiklah aku memang tak percaya ngan ajakan beliau sebab selalu kene cancel.

frustrating, really.

p/s: i hope u have a good time with me, close ur eyes and rest all u want. love u always.

oh bulan, yang melayan diri ku lagi pabila air mata membasahi pipi. dan lagu-lagu di radio seolah-olah memerli aku pabila kau bersama yang lain

Assalamualaikum...

2 3 malam ni adalah malam dipanggil "supermoon" (kot) sebab bulan nampak besar di langit oleh kerana jaraknya adalah yang paling dekat dengan bumi. malangnya, kalau kat malaysia ni, tak nampaklah kebulatan dan kebesaran bulan tersebut.

dan tadi pada jam 6.30 (agaknya lah) aku terpandang ke luar jendela dan terperasan langit yang cerah dan awan2 di langit yang cantik. apa lagi, snaplah! :)

p/s: buat asemenlah!

tell me because i'm a friend. ask me because i'm your friend.

Assalamualaikum...

aku macam burung, mungkin aku adalah burung. nak terbang bebas, nak tengok dan teliti dunia. tanak terbang di tempat yang sama. nak mengisi yang kosong. nak berkongsi manisnya madu.

i'm a keeper. i keep things close to me.

when something happen and my emotions and thoughts are at stake, i often keep it silence and go crazy. its easier before to be a little bit insane but its getting harder these days. if i get the chance, i'll laugh at smalls things, even if it aint funny. i do things people usually dont. and i specifically, dont follow the rules.

i know things will get better. semua orang tau. and so i dont need those words when i'm dealing with it cause i know that. i dont need the answers of the equations, i hate it when people trying to brake in. i just need to know that there's someone outside, who is willing to stay even when its raining.

sometimes you are wondering what should you do, are you doing enough. guess what, you dont have to.

i may never say this but thanks for all the moments. if you'd know, it helped me getting back on track. and i could promise you, you dont know how much you have done for me.

yes, i'm a keeper. i keep things close to me.

p/s: sinonim dengan sendiri.

si siput

Assalamualaikum...

baru balik dari photoshoot JERIT! untuk nametag. sampai kat tangga v5 tu tiba2 jumper si siput atas tangga. pelik jugak lah macam mane siput nih boleh sampai situ. but anyhow, sebab camera dah di tangan, apa lagi, terus lah snap beberapa keping gambar. =)

selebihnya boleh usha kat FB. 3 keping je pun. haha. klik gambar yer!

trimas

p/s: nak g tgk hot air balloooooon~~~