it's dark, cant figure what to do. should i just sit and wait or take the first step? waiting outside the line, holding. i wont give up, for all it may has for me.

Assalamualaikum...

life is hard. it meant to be hard. no matter how easy one's may look, he or she just a great liar, cover it all up and just smile.

no easy explanation, but if it's God test, it meant to make us stronger. i wish the best for all i met. and may the good old sweet memories be our greatest treasure of all. yeah i met people, got separated. come to think about it, i just realized. perhaps it happened because i wanted it to. so i could meet someone else. how life works me out. and yeah, i waited it long. somehow, it slipped. how could i ever do that huh?

sometimes you let go of something so it will grow even bigger and higher.

listen to those beautiful songs, brings back all the memories. the good and bad.

hell yeah, i cry.

p/s: holding. waiting.

what doesnt kill you make you stronger. i feel weaker instead.

Assalamualaikum...

it takes months for me to forget what i use to have.

honestly, it still lingers. but no matter how much it comes to my mind, i never wish it'll be mine again. never.

and yes, to start over is hard. maybe the way i accept it seems easy, but the rest is unspoken. i guess i become weaker, i tend to blow things on others, sometimes the way i behave is annoying. i hate that. its hard to rebuild once its destroyed. i broke my wall once, and yes, its become harder.

i realize i'm scared of being alone more than i was before. and every time i feel lonely, i'll go crazy.

and to distract myself too .

you have been a distraction for me once, and now i'm distracting myself from you. what am i supposed to do?

...
(melalut juga mungkin)

p/s: hand to hold; love it, miss it. i hope the feelings stay. if only its close. 

i never told you what i should have said, i never told you i just held it in

Assalamualaikum...

marah dan kecewa jadi mainan. suka atau tidak bukan pilihan.

terikat dengan yang lepas. bukan tak nak lepas. mungkin dah jadi igauan. yang ada pun susah nak percaya. susah betul kalau perasaan lebih daripada orang lain.

tak nak lepas. betul. sayang mungkin bertambah. curiga juga. nak percaya tapi yang dapat tak membantu. makin keliru dan mungkin akan meletup kedua-duanya nanti.

nak cerita pun susah. kat siapa? alih-alih diri sendiri jugak.

mampu tak aku bertahan?

-insyaAllah-

p/s: please let me know

pak gad yang kata aku ni macam mak cik gangster lah yang ganti tempat dia. alhamdullilah, terima kasih.

Assalamualaikum...

semalam bermula. angkat pen dan mula menggoreng. hari ni kali kedua. hanya mampu buat yang termampu. kalau boleh buat semua bukan manusia, tapi tuhan namanya.

selalunya kalau dah bermula memang akan bagi tahu dia. tapi maaf, kali ni aku tak mampu. meski pun aku perlukan redha dan doa suci dari nya. maaf.

maaf juga kerana yang bermain di otak adalah aura-aura hitam. perasaan negatif mungkin terbangkit dan aku makin keliru. tak tahu apa yang aku rasa. mungkin aku menafikan yang di depan mata.

tapi alhamdulillah, semalam hati aku tenang. hari ni mungkin sedikit celaru. tak apa, masih ada masa dan teman yang untuk ceraikan yang berserabut tu.

tak sangka, orang yang aku menyumpah satu masa dulu adalah orang yang menenangkan hati kecil. jadi tempat aku berceloteh walau untuk seketika. terima kasih pakcik! harus pakcik tahu, pakcik berjasa besar. hehe

duhai otak, berhenti berfikir dan terima seadanya. lepaskan yang dulu, mula yang baru.

p/s: takut kalau itu berulang.

S . A . Y . A

Assalamualaikum...

selamat hari raya semua. harap belum terlewat. maaf zahir batin. kalau kalau ada terkasar bahasa.

maaf sebab raya kali ni agak suram untuk aku. waktu tidur memang dah lari. meski pun rumah bising riuh rendah dengan gelak tawa anak anak buah, kadang terasing.

makin lama aku fikir, makin jauh jadinya. bila tersedar diri sendiri jadi mangsa. sedar kenapa aku adalah aku hari ni. sebab musabab yang membentuk aku hari ni.

lebih kenal diri. meski pun bukan yang baik. mengingatkan aku kenapa aku tak nak peka dengan diri sendiri. kenapa dan mengapa aku berdiri di tempat aku sekarang. rasa susah pulak jadi diri sendiri.

hari ni mengeluh. esok mencari kekuatan dan lusa cuba lagi berdiri.

letih, tapi ak lebih kenal diri sendiri. barangkali hikmahnya bakal dicium esok. insyaAllah.

p/s: memahami yang tersirat, mengingati yang silam, mengenal yang di depan mata. maaf, saya perlu berehat.

sorry

Assalamualaikum...

yes, I arrived at my brother's campus earlier than my own, and I don't regret it. never.

yes, I put my education behind, perhaps because I don't like studying. or perhaps because I want to have so called holiday with my family. you can choose one, I won't mind.

yes, I skipped few classes and got myself into trouble.

yes, I was told I was wrong.

and yes, I admit I was.

but I don't regret it. I'm not sorry for myself. not for being told I was wrong or because my lecturer told me I shouldn't skip the class because it is my job to make sure I was there.

I'm sorry for myself because I was told what I chose to do was wrong. that helping my family was wrong. yes I did enjoy the trip. but it wasn't just about the trip.

I'm sorry because I can't really tell which one is the right thing to do. I'm sorry that I was confused with who I needed to be with. when I was there I often felt I'm not supposed to be there.

I'm sorry because I don't feel like I was doing the right thing and all the blame come back to me. I'm sorry because there are no right things for me to do.

I'm sorry, dear me.

EON-NA; kamera lomo pertama aku, bole bawak masuk dalam air! seronok main snap entah paper, tapi banyak jugak rosak sebab gelap. mentah lagi!

Assalamualaikum...

got my new lomo cam few days ago. bila entah, aku pon dah tak ingat dah. dah beli filem siap2, so boleh terus snap! weeeeeee~~~

dah cuci filem semua tu, usha la sekeping2 gambar2 yang aku snap. hmmm...ada yang cantik! ada yang REJECT! hampeh, gambar gelap sebab tak cukup cahaya. terlupa yang filem tu untuk outdoor yang mane sufficient light are available. haha, my mistakes!

anyway, kat bawah ni ada la sikit2 gambar yang aku rasa ok. nak tengok lagi sila usha FB. thanks!

p/s: c&c are most welcome :)

kalau dia senang, tak semestinya aku susah. dan kalau aku susah, tak semestinya dia yang senang.

Assalamualaikum...

waktu mula-mula berkemas nak masuk UTP dulu rasanya buat dalam keadaan tergesa-gesa. dapat tahu layak masuk agak lewat dan keputusan nak masuk memang tak perlu dijangka sebab memang dah target nak masuk UTP.

sekarang cuti semestar aku balik rumah, mak yang pening nak fikir bawa itu ini untuk si bongsu. seingat aku waktu aku nak masuk UTP dulu takde lah sampai macam tu. persiap yang mudah saja.

hmmmm... yerlah, betul ada sedikit cemburu. barangkali kerana rasa kurang perhatian. waktu keputusan diumumkan pun dia dapat lebih. haih, parah juga ni.

membesar dengan kepala otak fikir kene selesaikan semua dengan usaha sendiri, jangan susahkan orang lain. mungkin  di situ hilang rasa kebergantungan dengan mak. lepas tu kalau mak tanya dah siap ke belum, ok ke tidak, jawapan semua OK!

dah tua-tua macam ni baru rasa cemburu. agaknya apa jadi kalau umur cecah angka 50? haha

p/s: memang dah slalu kene pon. kalu ngan member abaikan aje, tp kalau macam ni simpan aje lah nmpknyer. hmmmm

if you like nature, you dont have to go far. we often see but not look. stop seeing and start looking. you'll be amaze of what you have just near by

Assalamualaikum...

sejak dulu aku memang sukakan alam semula jadi. hijau itu mendamaikan. tenang riak air itu membawa seribu erti ketenangan. meski pun bising kicau burung dan deruan air, riuh rendah itu membangkitkan satu perasaan nyaman dan tenang.

dan sesungguhnya kalau kat utp ni kita sebenarnya dekat dengan alam semula jadi. ada tasik mahupun tasik buatan, penuh dengan hidupan lain. satu hari aku jalan jalan kat tasik sambil bawa si Bujang, bersedia untuk menembak!

ini hasilnya. semoga keindahan yang aku rasa, korang dapat rasa :)

terima kasih!

p/s: bismillahirahmanirahim, mari mula stadi :p

bersyukur kerana masih bernafas. bersyukur diberi peluang merasa pedihnya hidup dan bahagianya senyuman. syukran ya Rab!

Assalamualaikum...

"seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

its ok not to be ok

sometimes it hard to follow your heart

but tears dont mean you're losing, everybody's bruising

just be true with who you are"

who you are

-Jessie J-

I never thought I would be very happy being celebrated for it. the first time I felt the ease from all. and yes, one of the best thing I had. thanks for wishing me, I'll be wishing you the same. :)

with things happening around me, things change. even myself. no doubt. one thing for sure, I dont think love as it was before. trust me, I dont even think that I'm actually will be in that position.

I'd like to live for my family, work hard for my dreams, laugh like a child, cry like a baby and fly like an eagle. I'll go with the flow as long as it's in my path. I'll accept the good and bad, cherish the joy along the way.

after all, I cant be greed and ask for more, can I?

 

p/s: dont go over there, i'll lose a friend.